Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well you can't waste a boner
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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