Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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