yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
