I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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