i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
