i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
