I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
