i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize