Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fuck appropriateness.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
