throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
