Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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