So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
