I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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