I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
