Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize