hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
