Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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