someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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