saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
