two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
