You made me cry and you don't even care
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
