now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize