If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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