I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
