I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
