I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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