You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize