So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
