I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
