Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
