i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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