It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
