after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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