I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
