I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
