You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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