so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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