hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
