I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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