im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
