im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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