Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
