**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
