So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
