we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dear god my vagina.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
