Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize