she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
