I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
