I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize