Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize