She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
