I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
