im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
