dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
