My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
