Do you still have your period?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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