his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
