I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
