i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
