She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
