i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
