FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
