well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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