wanna go halves on a baby?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
