Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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