I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
