went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
