He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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