i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize