I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
