you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
