true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
