I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
