OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
