we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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