Soap is not a condiment
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
