oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize